About

Sugar, spice, and everything nice.
These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect alter ego.

But Professor Nekazneb accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: Chemical Z.
Thus, ZTiK was born.
Using his ultra-super powers ZTiK has dedicated his existence to fighting crime and the forces of evil!

ZTiK has been genetically modified to like:

  • computer code, binary for breakfast, shellcode for dinner
  • cartoons, with a special interest for Futurama and The Simpsons
  • anime, because Japanese know how to tell a story [much respect]
  • movies, usually in the background while processing code
  • tv series like Quite Interesting, Never Minds The Buzzcocks, 8 Out Of 10 Cats, Top Gear UK, House, Bones, The X-Files, Misfits, Better Off Ted, The Walking Dead and many many more
  • all kinds of animals, which appears to be mutual
  • romantic walks down the beach
  • Wardriving, so many unprotected WiFi signals :P
  • PenTesting, what's more fun than breaking into a computer, server or network :)
  • Longboarding, if the weather outside allows me to, you will find me boarding, enjoying the sunshine

ZTiK has a vast wealth of experience but has yet to experience vast wealth


  • Name:
    • Michel Benzaken
  • Aliases:
    • ZTiK / ZTiK.nl / MSM18 / -KillerAngel- / Justin Thijm / Justin Kees / Egor Tael / Gregory Host / WillWorkForBitcoin / TooCool4School
  • Age:
    • My true age can't be counted in primitive numbers or mathematics, but I've inhabited this body for:
    • 37.78 years
    • 453.41 months
    • 1971.5 weeks
    • 13800.52 days
    • 331212.59 hours
    • 19872755.53 minutes
    • 1192365332 seconds
  • Place of Birth:
    • Not born but spawned into existence near the event horizon of SMBH1) Sagittarius A* with a bang greater than the Big Bang
  • Nationality:
    • The 7th plane of existence knows no borders, but became Dutch after inhabiting this body
  • Allergies:
    • Manual labour
    • Annoying conversations
    • People (strangers) sitting next to me in public transport
    • Waking up early
    • Going to bed early
    • Bullets

Demigod2), looking for a 24-32 hour per week job, capable of doing anything yet trying to do the least amount of work possible for the most amount of money with the least amount of responsibility.
Preferably with some small company since I have problems with managers who tell me how to do my job, while not understanding how to do their own job.

Also, I do not like my screen being recorded, so that a 'manager' can 'review' it in the company dungeon in the basement.

I am the perfect employee, I know everything, I can do everything, and I will not give up until I've met your goals for the low price of €21,- per hour.3)
I mastered the Dutch and English language at the age of 2 (both verbal and non-verbal).
Because of a few holidays in France, I speak a little French, but not enough to have a normal conversation.
However, I have learned quite a few computer languages, from programming to web languages such as:

  • (X)HTML
  • CSS
  • Javascript
  • jQuery
  • PHP
  • Perl
  • SQL
  • C#
  • C++
  • Ruby
  • Python

I have worked for a lot of internet providers, where my job duties varied from assisting customers with fixing problems concerning their internet connection and/or local network up to reconfiguring servers.
Also I have been taking measurements from the national copper grid and sending mechanics to the right location, explaining mechanics what they should do to fix stuff and a lot of other technical stuff.

For quite some time I had my own company, focusing on IT support for Start-Ups.
That's where I did anything from programming, web development, system administration, network management, along with giving advise.
Besides work I am in the process of developping my own wrist-computer using a microcontroller, electronics and a lot of code.
I also like to hack into stuff, hardware, software, life, you name it and I'll make it better.

Personal motto:

  • Better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow!

Strengths:

  • Deltoids
  • Quadriceps

Weaknesses:

  • Biceps
  • Pectoralis major.

Communication:

  • I can communicate very well using a vast amount of options.
  • Which way? All the ways!
  • Need me to say stuff? I can do that. Want me to type stuff? I can do that too!
  • I can even make use of ancient methods like writing with a pen or pencil, morse-code, smoke signals and/or interpretive dancing.

Computer skills:

  • I can do anything and everything with computers.
  • Use it
  • Make a backup
  • Break it
  • Fix it
  • Reinstall it
  • Connect it to the net/web
  • Restore backup
  • Everything else too.

Networking:

  • I can do all kinds of networking, from large computer networks, to networking with people.
  • I can even make networks between people and computers, I'm simply that good!
  • Want proof? Send a ping to 'bitemyshinymetalass.ztik.nl', you'll get a reply from my ass within milliseconds.

Typing:

  • I can type really well, and really fast too!
  • When I type at full speed, I wear down a keyboard within 3 weeks due to the Laws of Motion (friction).
  • I also know how to correct errors using either the 'backspace', or the 'delete' key!
  • Should those options fail, I know a last resort by pressing the power button which usually corrects errors too.4)

Multitasking:

  • I can do many things at the same time.
  • While typing this line I am also using my mouse to skip to the next video in my playlist.
  • Very often I will also talk to people in my nearby surroundings while typing & using my mouse.
  • On occasion I will even use the phone to have a conversation while I am typing without mixing things up!

Accuracy:

  • I have killed an elephant by throwing a small spoon and hitting its fourth chakra (a 1“ x 1” soft spot just behind the left ear). How's that for accuracy?

Accomplishments:

  • Invented the upside-down questionmark.
  • Completed every Final Fantasy game ever released.
  • Once counted from 1 to 3600 in less than an hour to see if I could beat time, I did!
  • I can make weapons out of anything, which is very useful in a hostile work environment.

Hobbies:

  • Lie in bed watching Powerpuff Girls episodes while being fed Pringles by beautiful naked MILFs.
  • Fighting crime at night, but without a cape ofcourse. Capes are for fathers who lost the custody battle.

References:

  • You can call my mom, she is really nice and she has known me since the day I was born.5)
  • Also, my best friend Droxz, he knows pretty much everything about me… even my secret passwords…

Additional information:

  • 1+1=2, 2+2=4, 4+4=8, 8+8=16 etc.
  • The alphabet has 26 letters, including 5 vowels and 21 consonants.
  • Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump.

While deciding wether I am the right person for the job, please let me remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.

Yes, anything!

Sincerely ZTiK,

  • Past results are no guarantees for future expectations.
  • This resume is subject to change.
  • This resume is subject to ridicule.

It's a website, it's on the internet and it's all mine!

Usually I develop and design my own websites, but I made the switch to DokuWiki since I can't be bothered anymore to keep updating the site to the latest technologies (which took more of my time than actually posting stuff did).
I did modify it completely to my own desires but it's not my own creation.

Here are some images of what my site used to look like before:
Home Blog Blog post Help 404 - Missing link
It was really nice, and had all kinds of fun things built into it, but was taking too much of my time.

Another thing you might have noticed: every time you view another page/refresh a page you will see a new tagline on the top of the page, click here for a list containing all these taglines.


  • This website contains sensitive information, which can be used for good and evil, use it wisely.
  • I do not take any responsibility for your actions upon reading any piece of information on this website.
  • Don't hack into things you don't own or have permission for.
  • I do not take any responsibility for the effect of my experimental Subliminal Messaging Technique, nor will I refund any deposits made because of it.
  • The side-effects of my experimental Subliminal Messaging Technique may include happiness, smiling and sudden outbursts of evil laughter like one would feel if his/her best friend was kicked in the nuts by a 7 year old kid.6)
  • Past performance does not guarantee future results.


1)
SuperMassive Black Hole
2)
father was a capricorn, mother was a unicorn
3)
Not including VAT. Prices are subject to negotiation. I will not murder, steal, or perform any acts of a sexual nature.
4)
but is known to occasionally cause them instead
5)
I think she is very nice, but that is my personal opinion, not a fact
6)
So far it seems that I'm the only one who experienced these side-effects, but this number may increase with more visitors